slushpilehell:

I hope you’ll represent my fictional novel.

To you and the other countless authors who refer to your books as “fictional novels,” will you please, for the love of all that’s holy and good in this world, stop it. Besides, I don’t represent fictional novels. I represent only poetic poetry, nonfictional true stories, how-to-cook-stuff cookbooks, and children’s books for children.

When I was but a lowly intern at a literary agency (ah, the good old days), I had the following exchange with an author:

Me: So this is your second novel.

Author: Incorrect. This is actually my second fictional novel. I’ve written four novels all together, but the first two were nonfiction novels.

Me: …

Since then I’ve lost count of how many times unsolicited authors have used the words “fictional novel,” but I’m pretty sure every instance has resulted in a knee-jerk rejection letter from me.